It is well-accepted that with standing and influence comes responsibility. Power is not a one-way street. As mentioned previously, UBERWENSCH.com is widely understood to be the most popular website on the internet, and I, at its helm, the most popular blogger. Inherent to this is my role as protector. Of the internet, of its wayward darlings: Of you, dear reader. Of you.

My soul – pure, untainted by the stench of sin, untouched by the lesser emotions – cries out for you, the brazen, the unwashed, the plebeian bastards of existence. The People.

I lead a life of integrity, of good nature. And I wish to encourage others to do the same. Through force.

So it is that we find ourselves standing valiantly against “BrizBands“. The charlatans behind this blog were afforded a great opportunity.

“Here,” the Courier Mail said, “Take this salary and write a blog that explores Brisbane’s vibrant music scene thereon.”*

And what did they do? They failed you.

Not on my watch.

You’re on notice, BrizBands. Step up your game or take it somewhere else.

A quick analysis of the BrizBand index page, to begin with.

Words (content): 3698, according to Google documents (who are you going to believe). You can say a lot in 3698 words. Evidently you can also say nothing at all.

Words pertaining to Brisbane bands: 162.

Here they are:

The first band, Hits, wasn’t very good so I wasn’t sure if it was the bad band, or the sound guy, but I felt like it needed more bass; it was a bit tinny sounding. (Clearly I have a lot of technical sound experience if I use words like ‘tinny’ but you know what I mean. I hope!)

Brissy band The Grates, but the ticket sales staff have just informed me that their show is already sold out. So it looks like Kate Miller-Heidke‘s show is the next available night if you want to go check out the venue.

The night was a lot of fun, but unfortunately it was the Brisbane band Stature: Statue that disappointed me

The Driving Conditions have been on BrizBands before, after I went to check them out at the filming of Friday Night Live. They’ve also opened for rockers Rose Tattoo and are about to release their debut album, ‘Full Throttle’.

Which is to say, the Brisbane content is disparaging, hateful and malicious. Or it is irrelevant; a barren and haphazard copy-paste job straight out of a gig guide, and occasionally pertaining to Mike Goldman.

The rest of it is, by and large, promotional in nature, and centers around bands from overseas who happen to be playing in Brisbane. I won’t say much about this just yet.

Except. Well. Heads up, BrizBands. There’s already a blog about that shit. It’s called the Internet.

More on this later. It’s 4AM and I’ve been at a gay bar. Now is not the time.

*Not actual quote.